Letting Go...

Written by my sister Shaheen Kazi, who has been the source of my own inspiration to write...

“Oh Shoot! I should have said that!”. How many times, after the conversation has ended, we come up with what would have been good retort. How many times after someone’s flippant remark, we keep re-playing it in our head, thinking, why did she say it; did I do anything to annoy her or maybe I should not have worn this dress today. Moreover, the next time we meet that person, we inevitably echo the prior exchange and start looking for cues or maybe even behave a little cool with that person.

I often caught myself replaying difficult conversations and trying to figure out what could I have done so it could have ended better or why did that person behave in this manner. And before I knew it, I would have wasted considerable time, snapped at the people around me and got myself twisted up in knots – Why! For something that is already in the past!

I recall when my daughter was diagnosed with a medical condition, I kept thinking where I failed and what should I have done! I was frantically searching for answers and going from one doctor to another - but it was something that the 37th doctor said, made me pause. He asked “Who is not able to handle the medical condition – you or your daughter? She has accepted it and moved on, but it is you who are still stuck in the past. You need to accept and move on!” I slowly turned to look at my daughter sitting outside the cabin, reading her book peacefully and I realised he was right. I was the one who was stuck in the past!

Here I was, a new single mum, dealing with a medical condition that I did not know anything about, without a job and an uncertain future. At this lowest point in time, I remember what someone told me – It is all in your control, you decide this is where it starts - this is day 0 of your new life, simply drop all the baggage and move forward. The things that happened or hurt me are all in the past which is where I was stuck and it was not only making me unhappy but also robbing me of precious time with my family and friends who were present with me “Now”.

Its been 6 years now – my kid is flourishing; I am at peace and much more possessive of my happiness. Even when someone says anything flippant, I am now able to smile and walk away without getting upset. Don’t get me wrong – my problems have not magically gone away but I have changed how I deal with the problem without getting upset and with a forward-looking approach. I am not able to fix the problem, but I try my best to come at a solution that I can live with. My daughter still has her medical condition, but we have both worked on the best possible quality of life. Its not perfect but we are happier. Isn’t that more important – Being at peace, being happy!

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