Dear Dad (Short Story)

Dear Dad,

I have finally decided to leave this place... to head out somewhere far.. away from reach. Do not blame yourself for this, this decision is entirely mine and made after spending days after days thinking about it.

I know I turned out to be a complete failure for you. The dreams you had for me while I grew up, I could not live up to them. To be honest papa, I tried real hard but some things are out of our control. It was not easy, to see you around with the constant look of disappointment on your face. It broke my heart more than you can imagine. I never had the courage to talk to you freely since the day you found out. But I had to tell you whats going on with me too. And knowing you, this letter is probably the only way.

You always had big dreams for me... To be some big corporate guy, hanging around in expensive suits and big cars. I never wanted that. I have always wanted a small but simple life and had very simple dreams. Eventually find love and settle down. To have kids in my family, just like us, when I was small. That's all I wanted.

I still remember our trips every summer. When you took us trekking in the mountains and showed us all the places you played as a kid. The time we spent there, as a family are the best memories I had. Being both my mother and father after she passed would not have been easy, yet you never showed it. You were proud of me back then, your big boy that you loved so much, the one you always cared for, I wanted that.. exactly that for myself.

Finally I found love, but then not everything ever goes as per plan. I cannot help it that nature has made me this way. If only you had ever agreed to meet him, you would know he is a wonderful person. But I could never convince you to look beyond the fact that I like men instead of women. It is not a disease papa, that some doctor or cleric can cure. It is all of me, how nature has made me. I could never look at women the way I look at him and I didn't want to fake it and lie my whole life.

Why should I marry some girl and spoil her life? She would be marrying me with aspirations of love.. expectations of how a husband should treat his wife and I could never offer that. My whole life would be a lie and I would have been very unhappy. Which is why I told you about it .. to convince you that it is where my happiness lies... and I wanted you to care about what made me happy.

But then.. I failed. I couldn't ask him to wait forever and had to break his heart... let him go. The society has made rules so narrow and rigid. Everything that fits its pre-set boundaries is only what is right and has successfully managed to kill God's greatest gift to mankind.. free will. I failed to convince you to see beyond those. That happiness is what matters most, not pre-conceived and ill designed notions. I just wanted to be happy. What was so wrong about it?

I know you were worried what people would think. That our family name would be tarnished and possibly become social outcasts. No matter what you think of me or however much you hate me for what I am... I still love you dad. I am sad I could not be worthy of your love. So I am leaving.. finally.. freeing you from the burden of having to explain, be embarrassed by my choices. I love you dad.. Please forgive me..

For the police - I and only I am responsible for my death. It is a personal choice and no one is to be blamed for it. I have nothing left to live for and so have decided to end it with my own hands..


Author's Notes:
Homosexuality, unfortunately even today is seen as something to be cured; when it is a matter of choice. Just like someone has the choice to disapprove of it, others do have a choice to approve. If accepting is wrong, so would be opposing it, since both are choices that make us humans. LGBT are humans too and need to be treated as humans.

Depression is an extremely difficult condition for someone suffering through it; but, it is not the end of the world. It is perfectly curable. Just reach out to a friend and get help. You can lead normal lives post riding out a depression and that is what is worth living for... Reach out..

1 comment:

  1. Dark but a reality that unfortunately no one even wants to talk about openly


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